What every person in life wants? What every single person in the whole universe desires? Think about it for a moment. Sometimes I’m just sitting and trying to understand how life works. Why some people are happy and have this incredible energy while others are unhappy or depressed? Why there are things like bullying, like suicide, like crimes, like school shootings? Why when we used to be children we were ultimately happy (apart from the times we didn’t get this chocolate cake of course)? Why some people are more privileged than others? I know.. I’m wondering about a lot of stuff… But the question that stuck with me was…
What is the one thing that every person in the world wants in their life?
After a lot of thinking, undoubtedly,
The answer is love.
Love is the ultimate feeling. Love brings along happiness, energy, the will to work, the will to become a better person and so much more amazing feelings… Just try to recall a moment when you started being in love with someone. Think about the begging of your relationship (or a past relationship). Your stomach is all butterflies and stuff, you’re just so happy when you’re with the person you love and all of a sudden all your problems magically disappear. The truth is that they don’t really disappear… They are still there, but a positive feeling such love (the ultimate positive feeling actually) has so much more energy than a negative one. And that’s a fact.
So when I realized that, I stopped and told myself “Okay… I have so much love in my life. My boyfriend loves me, my family loves me, my friends love me… Why I’m not happy yet? Why I don’t have this energy and the will to work and all my problems are still here?”
Back then I couldn’t see it. I had gained some weight, I didn’t like the clothes I was wearing (the ones that I could get into of course), I didn’t have much money to buy makeup or go out with my friends… And not only all these, I was scrolling through Instagram watching all those fancy stories from people having fun and living their best lives while I was stuck in my “stupid” house.
I don’t know if you can see it, but I hated myself. And you can’t really achieve many things in your life when you hate yourself. No matter how much love you get from other people. I can’t remember how my mind shifted, but I remember I said to myself “Enough. I deserve better than this.” So I started watching motivational videos on YouTube (one of my mood boosters), and someone mentioned self-love. I started digging into this and realized that this was the kind of love I needed. This was the part I was missing.
But what is Self-Love?
Self-love is a feeling. It’s a confident, warm, and caring feeling. It’s about getting to know who you are, growing, learning and accepting yourself. At first, I was thinking “Self-love is kinda selfish right?”. Well… It kinda is, but this is not selfish in a bda way. What everyone needs to understand is that EVERYTHING starts from you. The way you think, the way you react, the way you feel, has a huge impact on your life and the people around you. There is an unlimited power within you, and you have to accept that in the first place.
“But how isn’t that selfish?”
I bet you’ve heard it at least once “You can’t pour from an empty cup”. How do you expect to be treated with respect when you don’t respect your own self? How do you expect to be loved by others when you don’t love your own self?
As Oscar Wilde once said: “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance”. And there is so much beauty in this quote if you look closely. I bet you’ve started looking in the mirror when you were at a young age. If you look in the mirror now you can notice a lot of changes, but it’s you in there. You see the person in the mirror is there since the day you were born. It’s been there through all these years and will be there for the years to come until your very last breath. Just think about how magical is that. How HUGE is that? No one is going to know you better than your own self. No one knows better than you what makes you happy or what hurts you the most. No one is going to know every little thought you had in your mind but yourself. This person in the mirror is your partner in life. From the very first day since the last one.
I was both happy and sad when I discovered this feeling. Happy because this was such an amazing feeling and I was looking at the world with different eyes, and sad that all this time I was treating myself so harshly. Sometimes a lot of us do. I still “fight” with myself sometimes. But I started working in the relationship I had with myself one step at a time. And today I’m going to share with you a few things/practices I started doing (and still do) that are going to help you build this incredible relationship with YOU.
Embrace your inner voice.
I bet you all having these conversations with yourself in your mind. Most of the times we all do it automatically. So what you need to start doing is paying attention to this inner voice. You need to start talking more gently to yourself and getting to know YOU. It’s really important to talk to yourself in a positive way, like you would do to a close friend. Because the more we hear something, the more we believe in it. Even in our heads. So it’s critical to overflow with positive vibes.
But what If something negative happens? This can be tricky. Because our minds work with patterns, if your mind knows the “negative thinking pattern”(the one you might be doing all these years) it will start thinking negative thoughts, and talk harshly to you on its own. You need to break this pattern. Find a way to shift your mind. My “Mind-shift” is being grateful. I’m starting counting the things I’m truly grateful about. I have to confess it was hard in the beginning, but now my mind learned a new pattern, the “be grateful” one.
Do you regret things you’ve done in the past? I bet a lot of you do. What if I told you that if one single detail was different in your past, you wouldn’t be here at this exact moment reading this post? I know you might have hurt people with your actions or with your words, but there’s always the option of asking for forgiveness. It can be a really hard thing to do, depending on what you’ve done of course, but it’s liberating. The feeling of putting off your chest a “weight” is just absolutely freeing.
But what if other people hurt you, or used you, or treated you badly? Forgive them. Be grateful about them. They taught you valuable lessons. They shaped your character and made you stronger and wiser. And don’t you even dare to think that it was your fault. You should never blame other people’s actions on you.
Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. We all fail. We constantly hold ourselves back because of a failure, or a past experience and we just keep judging ourselves harshly. This is also a pattern in our minds, created to “protect” us from hurting. But what this pattern really does is holding us back from our best possible future! Break this pattern. Clear your mind from bad past experiences and failures, keep them as lessons, and try again. You need to understand that you’re human and you’ll fail a lot of times. But you’re strong enough to try again.
Clear your mind.
Everyday life can be stressful. We all have busy schedules and we often can’t think clearly. What I like to do every night is to “declutter” my mind. Meditate. Stop and focus on your breathing. Put some music on, or go in a quiet room in your house, sit comfortably and just focus on the way you inhale and exhale. Focus only on your nose. Let every thought pass, don’t waste energy to think about any particular thought. Just keep breathing until you’re calm, and you feel that you’re “clean”.
This practice can also be hard when you start doing it. It took me about two weeks to start doing this properly. I can’t exactly describe the feeling of “being clean” but it’s just purely amazing. So you just have to keep trying it until you find it!
It’s important to declutter your mind just like you would do with your home or your closet. Your focus will improve, and you’ll be able to think everything clearly. Personally, I wouldn’t be sane if I wouldn’t do that. I got so much stress from being all day in work, and having so many responsibilities, and working on the blog… I would freak out if it wasn’t for Meditation.
Let go of comparing.
One of the most crucial things. We’ve all done it. Scrolling on Instagram to watch our favorite bloggers or celebrities enjoying amazing vacations, shopping beautiful and expensive clothing or building their own villas! I know it’s hard to look at so many positive pics on the Internet, or even in your own life, and know that everyone has bad days. But it’s not about that. You need to understand that you’re perfect just the way you are. You have everything you need and a lot of things to be grateful for.
I used to compare a lot. And I was feeling crappy about it. I really did. But I realized that the only thing you’re getting from comparing is focusing on the negative things and the things you currently don’t have in your life, instead of focusing on how to grow yourself so you can achieve your best possible future. So just think.. how much energy you’re wasting into focusing on someone else’s life, while you should focus on making your own better.
Practice good self-care.
How did you make your relationship with your partner stronger? Just think about what every healthy relationship needs to flourish. I guess we can all agree on Communication and quality time together. These are the two things you need to start doing with yourself. Start treating yourself like you would treat your partner or your child. Nourish your body, feed it healthy food, work out, drink plenty of water, sleep properly, moisturize your skin. Spend some quality time with YOU because you deserve it!
Before I finish this #MondayMotivation post, I just want to remind you the most important thing about yourself. I want you to take a look at your fingers. And your hands. And your hair. And your legs. You see, all these have been there with you since the day you were born. And they will be there since the day you’ll leave this world behind. You notice how much they grew through all these years? You see how much they changed? Some of us barely notice that. But it’s a FACT that the relationship you have with yourself, really lasts forever. So start working on this relationship you have with your long-time life partner. Because its the most beautiful relationship of all.
I would love to know your thoughts on that… Do you love yourself? How do you take care of YOU? Let me know in the comments…
Also, you can read the previous #MondayMotivation post here.