“One more light goes out…”
Last night I was sitting in my yard with my brothers and my mom. That’s when my younger brother Pit, told me that Chester Bennington from Linking Park was dead. At first, I didn’t believe him, then I saw that it’s everywhere on the internet. I was shocked.
I don’t like this kind of posts, but I grew up listening to Linkin Park’s songs. They are part of my teenage years. I knew Chester was struggling with his life, and he had a traumatic childhood. You could feel it from their songs. But suicide? That’s what shocked me the most, and triggered me to write this post. The lead singer of one of the most successful bands in the world. With 6 children and a lovely wife. With a net of 30 million dollars. Why? Why taking away his own life? Why killing himself? Because he wasn’t happy.
The world right now is in the middle of a mental health crisis. Almost half the population suffers from depression sometime in their lives. I’ve been through depression too. I’m not really comfortable talking about this publicly, but I was sometimes thinking about suicide. And I want to share with you what was happening in my mind back then so you can be aware of this.
Okay, first of all, everything started with a problem. I don’t want to get into details right now, but back then it seemed like a huge problem to me. Then over-thinking came in. I was thinking about it all day long. All I wanted to do was sleep so I wouldn’t think about it. Every day the problem was growing, and I didn’t feel strong enough to face it. The worse part is that people around you, can’t understand the situation. And they can sometimes make the things worse because they don’t know what’s in your mind. When you overthink, only one word can blow up your mind completely. So there were times that I was drowning in my own thoughts and I thought that ending my life would be an easy way to stop thinking. An easy way from my problems to disappear. It would happen in just a few seconds and then I would be free.
Well, thank God that I wasn’t mad enough to do it. Honestly, I don’t think I would do it. All these were just thoughts. I was struggling a lot with my life. We all do. Some struggles are bigger than other ones, or we think they are. Struggling is a part of life, we all struggle and will struggle. But you know what? Suffering is a choice! And if you think that suicide will end the suffering, you’re wrong. You will just pass the suffering through other people. And remember! Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The problems I had back then, are not even problems right now.
Since last December I decided to change my life. I started reading books, listening to podcasts, reading the Bible, I was doing everything I could to train my mind and grow. The problem with the world is that we focus so much on what happens from the neck and down and we forget that it all starts from our minds. Everything. 100%. It’s all in the way you think, and once you understand that, your life begins to change. No matter where you are in life, no matter what you’ve been through, no matter your situation, you can change your life completely. I know I changed my life!
When I saw that controlling my thoughts and working on myself was actually working, I was mad. I was mad that I’ve discovered “right thinking” when I was 21. What would happen if I knew this earlier? How my life would be right now? In school, we are taught mathematics, physics, chemistry, or how to get a job, but no one teaches us how to live in a state of happiness. No one teaches us how important our thoughts are! Imagine how perfect this world would be if we were taught about this in school. I think suicide wouldn’t exist as a word.
“When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.” – Buddha
You’re here in this amazing world for a reason. You have the power to create your own life, and there is no limit on that. There is no limit on your thoughts! So I want you, from now on to choose your thoughts carefully and change your life!
If you are feeling like I did, and you are going through depression or you struggle with something, please talk! I remember I didn’t want to talk to anyone close to me. Because they wouldn’t understand me, and that’s totally okay. Talk to someone that has been through depression. Read life-changing books, watch a motivational video on Youtube. You can even send me an e-mail ([email protected]). I really want to help you in any way I can! You deserve better. We all deserve better! Take your life into your own hands. Ans as Martin Luther King used to say: “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
Much love, Apostolia.